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In The Middle Of Something

by Julian Velard

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1.
I'm Julian 01:14
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I'm Julian I'm a musician I'm also a husband with lots of songs about my wife I'm in my forties I have two children What was I thinking? This should be someone else's life I don't know where I'm going But I'm going somewhere And there's no way of knowing If I’ll get there I'm Julian And I'm in the middle The middle of something Guess I'll just sing now
2.
I Don't Know 03:04
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Dad, have you ever been in Jail? Dad, have you ever been swallowed by whale? Can I stay up and watch TV? Then will you read a spooky story to me I don’t know I don’t know Ask your Mom before she goes Cause I don’t know Dad, have you ever had a job? Dad, did you ever have to join the mob? How do you know when you’re in love? Cause there’s this boy that I’ve been thinking of I don’t know I don’t know Ask your Mom before she goes Cause I don’t know It’s Girls Night Out Your brother’s asleep It’s just you and me kid So don’t get too deep I always be here To pay a few bills But you mom has the answers And I never will Dad would rather be a dog Or you would rather be giant frog Why don’t you and Mom ever kiss? I got a million other questions like this this I don’t know I don’t know Ask your Mom before she goes Cause I don’t know I was a kid once Curious like you No matter how much I asked My dad never knew I’m just like my father Ain’t it that how it goes You'll be just like your mother And your Mom always knows Dad, is it over when we die Or do we live on like the stars in the sky? Are you too old to be a dad? What’s the best ice cream you’ve ever had? I don’t know I don’t know Ask your Mom before she goes Cause I don’t know I don't know I don't know
3.
Money, I'm In Love With You 02:51
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Every time I get close You run away from me Right when I need you the most There’s somewhere you gotta be My friends tell me you’re outta my league And chasing you’s a waste of my time But when I’m with you I feel like star You make me wanna buy an overpriced car You take these idiots and make them all rich I’m just like every other son of a bitch Money, money, money I’m in love with you But you don’t love me back No you don’t love me back Money, money, money I’m in love with you But you don’t love me back When you’re gone I’m depressed You’re all I dream about I won’t even get dressed It costs too much to out I got two little kids in private school Have you seen the price of gas these days? All I’m asking for is not very much A couple million that I won’t even touch I get the feeling that you think I’m joke I can’t believe you’re gonna let me die broke Money, money, money I’m in love with you But you don’t love me back No you don’t love me back Money, money, money I’m in love with you But you don’t love me back I would build you home Keep you safe in a bank Save all your interest for me Without you my life sucks Let’s go make little bucks Start a green family Money, money, money I’m in love with you But you don’t love me back Money, money, money I’m in love with you But you don’t love me back Money I’m down on my knees Girl I’m begging you please Give me one more chance Or at least an advance I promise I will behave Money make me your slave I sell my kids and my wife I need you in my life, Money! I’m in love with you, Money!
4.
How Does It End? 02:47
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Please tell me how does it end? Is it years away Or just around the bend? Please tell me how does it end? Is there a way to die That you would recommend? On a beach in Hawaii Drinking a Mai Tai Suffering a massive heart attack While staring a blue sky In a home in with male nurse Who bathes me twice a day And accidentally drowns me By looking the other way Please tell me how does it end? Is it years away Or just around the bend? Please tell me how does it end? Is there a way to die That you would recommend? Being stabbed by my wife in the chest with a knife Getting Knocked in the head by a billboard for Taylor Swift’s Red A bite from a rattlesnake, crushed in an earthquake Celebrating my 75th birthday By having an allergic reaction to the cake It’s the question that keeps me awake at night I saw 9 different doctors, they all said I’m too uptight Nobody can tell me the one thing I wanna know What’s the time and place that I’m gonna go Please tell me how does it end Is there a way to die That you would recommend ? Any day I could step on a landmine Or get hit by a stick of dynamite But If knew when the plane was gonna crash I could relax and enjoy the flight
5.
It Gets Late Early 03:17
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I can remember most all of it Hard to believe that I’m halfway done I look a bit older, I must admit But in the right light I’m 21 The sun’s still up, I could use a cup Of coffee to make it through I’m fading fast I’ve got one last thing to do It gets late early these days All the dreams inside my head Are ready for bed It gets late early these days I’m tired but the fire inside me stays I feel like I can do anything Run with the kids but I’m getting slow In a matter of time, I’ll be the biggest thing Somebody told me that years ago The moon is bright, I’ll say good night Save it for another day The future can wait It’s only 8 hours away It gets late early these days All the dreams inside my head Are ready for bed Cause it gets late early these days I’m tired but the fire inside me stays It gets late early these days All the dreams inside my head Are ready for bed Cause it gets late early these days I’m tired but the fire inside me stays
6.
We Should Have An Affair 03:21
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We've been together a long time Oh I know. Ten years of marriage, two kids So I just thought it might be nice to shake things up a little bit. Maybe? We should have an affair We don’t know what out there Maybe someone to share We should have an affair Nothing good on TV I know you’re bored with me I promise not to compare We should have an affair We know each restaurant in town Closed every nightclub down It’s time for something new you and me We’ve got a lot of road ahead And brand new king size bed Why two and not three? We should have an affair Throw our pants in the air Tie someone to a chair? Sure! We should have an affair Wow! This place is amazing! Oh my gosh! Julian, where are we? Rachel, I think we're in Paris Paris! I've always wanted to go to Paris. This is bread is so good! Oh it's so fresh! What do they call this? Pain au chocolat? Hey, is that accordion player who I think it is? Weird Al? It's totally him! Oh, it's totally him Hey, he's looking at us Huh Hey, how you doing? I’ll wear leather and lace Put a mask on my face I kind of like the au pair Yes, I love her! We should have an affair Let’s do it once, we’ll take it slow No one will ever know We’ll keep it between us And the girl we choose Yes, or maybe it could be a guy We won’t know till we try What’s left to lose We should have an affair Why are we being so square Yeah, we’ve been married for years Let’s check in with our peers We should have a affair Be a bit rock and roll Throw our keys in a bowl Take out a personal ad Who says are orgies bad? I wanna to sleep with a cop Once we start we won’t stop It’s all waiting out there We should have an affair
7.
If You Left Me 02:40
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If you left me I’d be sad I’d also be a little mad I probably drink a lot more beer Eat McDonald’s for a year If you left me I’d be cold Tell myself I’m not too old Do some push ups every day “Looking good,” my friends would say Maybe I’d meet somebody Anybody Stay with them for a night or two I’m sure you’d meet somebody Anybody Would love you like I do If you left me I’d be poor The kids won’t know me anymore Not sure how I’d pay the rent Half my life’s already spent If you left me I’d be free Become somebody who’s not me Someone you wouldn’t even know Maybe then you wouldn’t go Maybe I’ll think of something Change the one thing That’s all that I have to do Then we’d be left something Instead of nothing I’d like that, wouldn’t you? If you left me I’d be dead Maybe I should leave instead Maybe it’s just another fight Why don’t we kiss and say and goodnight?
8.
My Single Friends 03:03
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My single friends They go out to all the bars Stay up late And write songs and their guitars Eat like shit in their clothes that still fit I’m just a little bit Jealous I admit My single friends They’re allowed to make to mistakes Fall in love and then slam on right breaks Go have sex with a lunatic ex While I’m writing checks I don’t get to have sex My single friends Live each night like it’s their last No regrets, never think about the past They just drink and get some bad ink Throw up in the sink, it’s not as fun as you think No not at all Boys go out and do your thing I’ve got lullabies to sing To these little people on who happiness I depend I’ve got a life I wanna keep Jesus Christ I need to sleep More than a night that never ends With my single friends My single friends They come over once a year They’re terrified, ask me what I’m doing here Don’t know why my children cry And my wife won’t say hi It’s cause, she hates these guys My single friends Now and then we’ll catch a game “How’s your wife?” they still call her “what’s her name” And when the game's through, I know just what they'll do It's what they always do I'm done with this crew I found something new Boys go out and do your thing I’ve got lullabies to sing To these little people on who happiness I depend I’ve got a life I wanna keep Jesus Christ I need to sleep More than a night that never ends With my single friends
9.
What If I'm Wrong? 02:47
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I think I'd be happy If I wrote a number 1 song But what if I'm wrong? What if I'm wrong? One look at my family And I know that I belong But what if I'm wrong? What if I'm wrong? What if everything I touched turned to gold? And my lack of self esteem turned out to be a cold It was me versus me all along A one man game of ping pong What if I’m wrong? My wife tells me I look good in a thong But what if she's wrong? She's probably wrong Everybody's happy, clappin and they're singing along But the words are all wrong The words are all wrong People say life has a way working out But people they got no idea what they're talking about They get the words wrong To my number one song What If I'm wrong? What If I'm wrong? If my midlife crisis wakes me up every night Am I all right Or is something wrong? And if my inner voice and I get into a fight Is the inner voice right Or is the voice wrong? Is the person that I am who I'm supposed to be? Or is there someone hiding deep inside of me? Somebody strong Big as King kong What's taking so long? Somebody give me the gong What if I'm wrong? What if I'm wrong? What if I'm wrong?
10.
This Is Love 03:03
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I’d take a bullet if you asked me to I’ll never say no, it’s not what I do Let’s live with your parents, how bad can it be? We stare at our phones while lying bed "Try not to fight," the therapist said Who are we kidding, that’s not you me Well the sun’s coming up on another day This is who we are, this is who we will stay The odds aren’t good, we probably won’t win Take my hand, I’m all in This is love Just hold on This is love Just hold on This is love Look at us now, battered and bruised All grown up, completely confused This isn’t how I thought it would be 10 years, 2 kids on 5 hours sleep One big promise we’re trying to keep Marriage is hard, it kills the mystery The light’s still on but it’s getting pretty late We could fall apart, we could still be great It might get worse, our dreams are paper thin Take my hand, I’m all in This is love Just hold on This is love Just hold on This is love The odds aren’t good we prolly won’t win But I know you and I know you’re all in Cause this is love This is love This is love This is love This is love
11.
Epilogue 01:00
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All right That’s it We’re done I gotta go I got a big weekend We’ve got 4 children’s birthday parties And my daughter gymnastics And my son has soccer And uh, my wife’s going out tonight with the girls So that means I’ll stay home with the kids I gotta pay rent on Monday, so It might be good to just kinda get that sorted Sometimes it’s tricky with the bank It doesn’t exactly go through the first time You know, a lot of that depends on how much is in the account There’s also the gas bill, I gotta pay that too Oh man, isn’t bulk trash pickup on Tuesday? Right, I gotta...

about

Julian Velard is a classic entertainer - a rare combination of Nilsson-meets-Newman, piano-driven singer-songwriter sensibility and razor-sharp comedic timing. His versatile stage presence makes him equally comfortable in the spotlight or as a sidekick - a modern-day Paul Shaffer. He’s become a cult sensation in America and Europe, and an in-demand performer in his homebase of Los Angeles. All those facets are on display on his newest album In the Middle of Something, an introspective song cycle about the pitfalls and promises of middle age.

Velard’s quick wit and musicality have made him a fixture in the comedy world. He’s been a regular guest on SiriusXM’s The Howard Stern Show and NPR’s Ask Me Another, and shared stages with a host of talented comedians including Will Ferrell, Reggie Watts, Drew Carey, and Jack Black. In 2023, he served as musical director and on-stage foil for a star-studded cast in the Give Back-ular Spectacular, produced by Paul Scheer and Marta Kaufman, a live fundraiser for film and TV crews affected by the WGA and SAG strikes.

A native New Yorker, Velard scored a major label record deal in the ‘00s that took him to the U.K., where he toured alongside Jamie Cullum, Paul Carrack, and Goldfrapp, and garnered praise from The Guardian, Time Out London, and The Sunday Times. He served as an artist-in-residence at the prestigious Joe’s Pub at The Public Theater in New York City, and his one-man show Please Don’t Make Me Play Piano Man was named one of the best of 2020 by Broadway World.

In addition to a body of work that includes seven studio albums, Velard has also written music and lyrics for UK sensation Olly Murs, Wix, New York Knicks, Buzzfeed, Audible, Google, Aldi Supermarkets, and The New Republic. For these unique projects, he’s been featured in The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, Vice, The A.V. Club, Nerdist, and Mashable.Read less

credits

released April 5, 2024

Written by Julian Velard and Grant Black
Produced, engineered, and mixed by Dave Way
Strings arranged by Paul Jacob Cartwright

Julian Velard - Vocals, Piano, Keyboards
Rachel Velard - Vocals on "We Should Have An Affair"
Sara Niemietz - Vocals on "How Does It End?" and "It Gets Late Early"
"Weird Al" Yankovic - Vocal and Accordion on "We Should Have An Affair"
Larry Golidngs - Piano, Organ, Keyboards
Jim Cox - Piano, Organ, Keyboards
Larry Goldings - Organ, Synth
Tim Lefebvre - Bass on tracks 2, 3, 5, 9
Jon Button - Bass on tracks 4, 6, 7, 10
Jeremy Stacey - Drums, Percussion
Ryan Bull - Guitars
Paul Jacob Cartwright - Violin
Marisa Kuney - Violin
Jonah Sirota - Viola
Charlie Tyler - Cello
Eric Shetzen - Contrabass

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Julian Velard Los Angeles, California

Julian Velard's musical stylings and comedic timing have made him a fixture in both the comedy and music scenes, and have created cult followings overseas.

He’s toured alongside Jamie Cullum, Paul Carrack, and has shared the stage with comedians Will Ferrell and Paul Scheer.

His ability to transition between worlds has led to regular appearances on The Howard Stern Show and NPR’s Ask Me Another. ... more

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