Fancy Words For Failure

by Julian Velard

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1.
My masterpiece got released today Finally got to sing what I had to say For 37 years I’ve been doing it wrong Melody’s good and the rhymes are true If you like Billy Joel I made it easy for you Shoulda been a musical instead of a song I wrote the whole thing with my heart and got rejected It woulda worked had been lit correctly, choreographed and stage directed No I’m not a genius, the Pulitzer’s not mine People tell me I’m a hater but my loved ones know I’m kind I like to make up stories, that’s what my music’s for So don’t ask me about Hamilton anymore You wanna see the hottest show on Broadway You gonna have to give your first child away Quite a price to pay for a work of art You can get my entire life’s work for free Maybe that’s why nobody listens to me Instead of playing the fool, I should playing the part I wrote the whole thing in my head it was inventive I got to showcase all my talents and the audience was half attentive No I’m not a genius, the MacArthur Grant’s not mine People tell me I’m a hater but my loved ones know I’m kind I like to make up stories, that’s what my music’s for So don’t ask me about Hamilton anymore I’m not sure what you want me to say I listened to the soundtrack, I think that it’s okay And I hope they give minorities more parts to play Lin-Manuel, I wish you well And a thousand years of stories to tell I wrote the whole thing with my heart it was the greatest But no one’s ever gonna see it when they’re busy looking for the latest Name to call a genius, who cares if it’s not mine The only thing that matters is My loved ones know I’m kind And I get to make my stories, that’s what my music’s for Don’t ask me about Hamilton Please don’t ask me about Hamilton anymore
2.
24-hour Flower Boy So nice to see you again Here at 2 in the morning Happy to see you’re still employed The wife and I are fighting again And I’m hoping you can help me find The kind of bouquet that will stay the night The words I can say that will make things right You no speak good English But I need your powers and your flowers 24-hour Flower Boy You’ve always been there for me When it’s 3 in the morning And I’m heading home half destroyed From singing my heart out in bars No one’s out apart from us and the stars Your wear that apron like a bulletproof vest And I’m always gettin’ shot by stupid requests We don’t need good English We’ve got all these hours and all these flowers Roses bent into poses Just like the scratchiness in my voice Like you arrange ya hydrangeas We wouldn’t do this if we had a choice 24-hour flower boy Are you a family man? Do you have any children? A couple of kids to fill the void Spend your life watching them grow Protect them from the only truth we know The blossoms you sell, they never last long All happiness fades like the end of a song We don’t need good English With this language that’s ours In the wee small hours Made of whiskey sours and your flowers Carnations are my salvation Just like the harmonies I suspend I like your lilies Do I sound silly When I tell you you’re my best friend? 24-hour flower boy
3.
I miss you It’s only been an hour or two A week by myself, I might not make it through This is my life now that I’m married My single friends keep buying shots at the bar I keep watching movies, wondering what you’re doing where you are Going out is what Friday night is for That’s not my Friday night anymore I spend it with you, sitting in sweatpants on the living room floor Instead of hanging out and giving it a second look I stay home and cry at “The Notebook” Now that I got you I’ll never be lonely anymore I’m in love Your face is all I’m thinking of But I’ll take your laugh if push comes to shove It’s my favorite thing that now we’re married I wanna hear you chuckle at whatever’s on TV It’s gonna be white knuckle till you’re back here on the couch with me Going out is what Friday night is for That’s not my Friday night anymore I spend it with you sitting in sweatpants on the living room floor Instead of talking to girls, making chit chat I’m having heart to hearts with our pussycat Now that I got you I’ll never be lonely anymore Sitting in sweatpants on the living room floor People I say should have made it That I could have dated models and movie stars I always knew that if I waited That would find my own success Without changing how I dress And one day I’d get the chance To find love and stay in my sweatpants Going out is what Friday night is for That’s not my Friday night anymore I spend it with you sitting in sweatpants on the living room floor Instead of trying to be somebody else I get to be with you and be myself I got you I’ll never be lonely anymore Sitting in sweatpants on the living room floor
4.
I need the money Of course I need the money What else do you want me to say? I’ll take the money I don’t make a lot of money Somehow I make a living this way I’ll share the money I don’t care about the money That should be obvious to you It’s not about the money I don’t do this for the money This is what the money lets me do All my life, I ran the race You don’t get gold for second place I done with trust, I’m not naïve Tell someone else, I don’t believe ‘Cause trust is a four letter word The most hurtful one I’ve ever heard The cause of all the pain I’ve incurred Let my pride gather dust Trust is a four letter word I’m not famous I’ll never be famous No one will remember my name My friends that get famous Forget me when they’re famous I probably would do the same You say I could be famous You say I should be famous You tell me it’s a matter of when If only you were famous Then you could make me famous And I could see my friends again I’ve been good, maybe great What’s that got with to fate? I wanna cure all talk of destiny With a healthy dose of irony ‘Cause trust is a four-letter word The most meaningless I’ve ever heard The concept’s completely absurd Keep the faith if you must But trust is a four letter word Whatever honesty you meant is not what I heard I spent my whole life trying to see the signs While reading in between the lines So now the letters L-O-V-E Sound like F-U-C-K to me Trust is a four letter word The most irrelevant I’ve ever heard My perspective is permanently blurred Is my bitterness just? Am I a boom or a bust? Tell me is trust is a four letter word?
5.
Baby just look at us We’re getting old Life only goes faster now So I’ve been told I had big plans, things I was supposed to do I’m glad I wasted all my time with you So many years I spent inside your eyes Wondering why you chose me over other guys Trying to make you understand the things I do I’m glad I wasted all my time with you There’s something in me that still believes There’s something that I could still achieve I want the success, I want all the fame Most of all I want it all to stay the same My favorite memories are of us on the train Stuck on a Brooklyn bus, trapped in a plane Holding hands, talking ‘bout nothing new I’m glad I wasted all my time with you Why can’t I make these moments last? Are they my future or my past? Am I holding too tight? Am I moving too slow? When the memories are gone, where do they go? Baby just look at us We were a couple of kids Now we’re an old couple whose Kids have kids I’ve had all this time to think things through Now I’m glad I wasted all my time with you
6.
Couldn’t get out of bed today So I got half of season one out the way Of that highly overrated show that depends on Suspension of disbelief 6 hours later I’m still depressed I don’t understand why everybody’s so obsessed Like the wise old lady said, “Where’s The Beef?” Well I’ve spent my life inside my head Never thought it was gonna work out Got a perfect wife and a brand new kid Can’t believe it was ever in doubt The whole thing should be humbling Still I wonder what it’s all about You know with me Something’s gotta be wrong Something’s gotta be wrong Last year I started seeing a shrink Thought I’d get a stranger’s thoughts about the way I think An hour every other week he sits in a chair And asks me how I feel I say, “I try to be good but the world isn’t fair And middle class values never got me anywhere.” He says, “Julian, you gotta take shit, that’s the deal” Well I’ve spent my life inside my head Pretty sure that’s it gonna work out Got a decent wife and an average kid I’ll give them both the benefit of the doubt I guess I should be grateful Still I wonder what it’s about You know with me Something’s gotta be wrong Something’s gotta be wrong Glass is half empty I don’t care what you heard Call me a failure or some other fancy word I dissected my dreams Saw their stitches and seams For me happiness means That nothing good Is as good as it seems Well I spend my life inside my head I’m forever trying to find a way out Yes I love my wife and I love my kid It’s the only thing that’s never in doubt If true north’s the best direction Heading south is what I’m all about You know with me My whole life long Something’s gotta be wrong Something’s gotta be wrong Something’s gotta be wrong
7.
I look around and see that nothing has changed Maybe I’ll get the furniture rearranged Flipping through channels on daytime TV Playing piano for nobody but me While he plays in Paris And wakes up in Rome Private planes to LA But it wasn’t that way The night Ed Sheeran slept on my couch My fridge is broken, it’s a hundred years old Customer service people got me on hold I’m getting close, number 3 in line A few more payments and the fridge will be mine While he pays for nothing Each meal comes for free He just sings them a song The same one he sang me The night Ed Sheeran slept on my couch I’ve let a lot people sleep on my couch Stretch themselves out It’s a comfortable couch All I remember is Is someone named Ed Who needed a bed He got the couch instead That time in my life, it’s over and done Still I sit here and wonder what if I’d been the one Sleeping on sofas, maybe then I would see What’s special about him and why it’s not me Living life in the moment, free from regret Now the world’s biggest star is the same kid I met That forgettable night I’ll never forget The night Ed Sheeran slept on my couch
8.
How does this story go? Not sure I wanna know Am I a star in the making? Immortality’s taking its time Let’s have another drink I’ll play you one more song I’ll make it nice and long “Hey Jude” goes down well with whiskey Letting go might be risky but I’m Ready to take a real chance Explore the mysteries of derivative finance Face the great unknown Make monthly payments on a 10-year adjustable loan Walk out this bar and say Goodbye Hollywood Hello Adulthood I’m ready for you now When does this story end? How long must I pretend This is the life that I dreamed of If you knew what my self-esteem does late at night You’d have another drink I’ll write me one more song I’ll probably get it wrong It might not be it entertaining I’m giving up on explaining myself What’s there to understand? I got caught up in supply, forgot about demand And opportunity cost I took the road less traveled and I got lost Don’t need a map to say Goodbye Hollywood Hello Adulthood I’m ready for you Heading toward you You’re not the way I thought you’d be You’re proud and funny Value for money A corduroy suit just made for me And when I stop to think Soon as I finish my drink I realize you were always right here, waiting for me I finally understand My life’s not gonna turn out the way I planned It’s a simple fact Every one trick pony gets a second act Blow me a kiss and say Goodbye Hollywood Hello Adulthood I’m ready for you now
9.

about

JV's fifth and most personal album dives deep into his thoughts on fame and failure - of a musical calling tempered with deep-seated anxieties about where it's all leading. The heady subject matter is paired with memorable tunes about home life ("Sweatpants On The Living Room Floor"), creeping self-doubt ("Trust Is a Four Letter Word") and even Broadway's hottest ticket ("Don't Ask Me About Hamilton (Anymore)"). The production team of Velard and Steve Power are joined by keyboardist Frank LoCrasto, who sits behind the piano this time around and lets Julian's voice take center stage.

credits

released June 16, 2017

Produced by Steve Power, Frank LoCrasto and Julian Velard
Arranged by Frank LoCrasto
Engineered by Rohan Onraet
Recorded on March 7-12 2017 at The Clubhouse Studio in Rhinebeck, NY
Recording assisted by Ru Lemer and Mike Dwyer
Vocals edited at 7th Street Stables in New York, NY
Mixed by Steve Power at TOP Studios in London, UK
Mastered by Nathan James at Vault Mastering Studios
Vinyl cut by Chris Muth at taloowa.com

Photography by Damari McBride - damarimcbride.com
Styling by Robyn Roberts - styledbyrobyn.xyz
Liner Notes by Michael Duquette
Album Design by Jim Tierney

Personnel:

Julian Velard - Vocals, Piano on “Glad I Wasted All My Time With You”
Frank LoCrasto - Fender Rhodes, Dyno Rhodes, Piano, Tack Piano, Hammond B-3, Vox Super Continental, Clavinet, Prophet 5, Minimoog, Mellotron
Ryan Bull - Electric Guitar, Acoustic Guitar, Baritone Guitar
Adam Chilenski - Electric Bass, Upright Bass, Synth Bass
Bill Campbell - Drums, Percussion
Gary Schreiner - Chromatic Harmonica
Alex Sopp - Flute
Justin Flynn - Alto Sax, Clarinet

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Julian Velard New York

Julian Velard's musical stylings and comedic timing have made him a fixture in both the comedy and music scenes, and have created cult followings overseas.

He’s toured alongside Jamie Cullum, Paul Carrack, and has shared the stage with comedians Will Ferrell and Paul Scheer.

His ability to transition between worlds has led to regular appearances on The Howard Stern Show and NPR’s Ask Me Another.
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