I'll Never Shit (In Front Of You)

from by Brooke Van Poppelen and Julian Velard

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lyrics

Falling in love is a beautiful thing
But when you open your heart, you start to feel the sting
Every great romance hits a rough patch
And the flame goes out, blows out like a match

It’s over
The magic slips
Down the drain
The misery grows
Till it overflows
That’s why you gotta restrain
Let us explain

You gotta hold on
Suck it in
Pu-pu-pu-pump on the brakes
Doo Doo whatever it takes
‘Cause when the pressure is building
You gotta be willing
To carry a load for your lover and say
I’ll never shit in front of you
I’ll never shit in front of you

You’ve waited this long, you finally found the one
But what good are vows when your bowels are under the gun
For better or worse, till death do us part
But the preacher never preached about dropping a fart

The odor
Goes up your nose
And into your brain
We all have a duty
To control the booty
And work through the pain
Let us explain

You gotta hold on
Suck it in
Pu-pu-pu-pump on the brakes
Doo Doo whatever it takes
Cause When the pressure is building
You gotta be willing
To carry a load for your lover and say
I’ll never shit in front of you

I’ll always be here beside you
Whatever happens inside of you
The storm inside my soul
Will never touch our bowl
Don't let the darkness sneak out
And peek it's head out the hole

You gotta hold on
Suck it in
Pu-pu-pu-pump on the brakes
Doo Doo whatever it takes
‘Cause when the pressure is building
And the body is filling
Your stomach is killing
Intestines are spilling
Get home in a hurry
Your vision is blurry
Now you’re starting to worry
‘Cause you ate all that curry
Then drank all that green juice
Your butt’s getting footloose
Giving birth to a big deuce
I’m calling a truce
I'll never shit in front of you

credits

from Comfort Zone, released April 26, 2019

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all rights reserved

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about

Julian Velard New York

Julian Velard is a singer, songwriter, and piano man. A biting 21st century wit in a stylish package—think Harry Connick, Jr. with the panache of a Brooklyn hipster—recalling Stephen Sondheim or Randy Newman at the peak of their talents.His comedic timing and musical stylings have made him a regular on The Howard Stern Show and NPR’s Ask Me Another. He is also an instructor for Linkedin Learning. ... more

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