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I Don't Know How To Drive

from If You Don't Like It, You Can Leave by Julian Velard

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about

Written by J. Velard and G. Black

lyrics

Battery Park I’m on my way Union Square
I don’t need much a pair of shoes will get me there
Stop for a Peking duck for lunch in Chinatown
Shop for a watch along Canal
Mine’s slowing down
But I’ve been on time ever since I was sixteen
I’ve never been late
Cause I’ve never had to wait
For the lights turn from red to green
What does horsepower even mean?

I don’t know how to drive
Who the hell wants a car anyway?
My feet on the street I’m alive
I’m at looking you
Stuck sitting in traffic for an hour or two
The back of a cabbie’s head blocking the view
That’s not what New Yorkers do

Bumper to Bumper it’s St. Patrick’s Day parade
Plaza Hotel’s my shortcut though I’ve never stayed
Meet you at 3:15 outside the Guggenheim
Later for dinner and a little night music
I love Sondheim
And I’ve been walking tall ever since I was sixteen
I’ve never missed a date
Cause I’ve never had to wait
For the lights to turn from red to green
I’m my own two-legged machine

I don’t know how to drive
Who the hell wants a car anyway?
My feet on the street I’m alive
I’m at looking you
Stuck sitting in traffic for an hour or two
The back of a cabbie’s head blocking the view
That’s not what New Yorkers do

Out in the Hamptons everyone owns a Cadillac
Models with DUIs and a taste for Armagnac
Why would I need wheel if I want to feel
Like I’m going places
I’ll take a few paces

I don’t know how to drive
Who the hell wants a car anyway?
My feet on the street I’m alive
I’m at looking you
Stuck sitting in traffic for an hour or two
The back of a cabbie’s head blocking the view
When will you wake up
And see the only way through
Is out here on the sidewalk
Cause walking’s what true
New Yorkers do

credits

from If You Don't Like It, You Can Leave, released June 17, 2014

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all rights reserved

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about

Julian Velard Los Angeles, California

Julian Velard's musical stylings and comedic timing have made him a fixture in both the comedy and music scenes, and have created cult followings overseas.

He’s toured alongside Jamie Cullum, Paul Carrack, and has shared the stage with comedians Will Ferrell and Paul Scheer.

His ability to transition between worlds has led to regular appearances on The Howard Stern Show and NPR’s Ask Me Another.
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