1. |
Overture
03:01
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2. |
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I thought I’d be young forever, can’t believe I’m 40 years old
My life shoulda been a big hit but not enough tickets were sold
I was searching for something great but the trail’s gone cold
Had the world in my hands but it was just hard to hold
Manhattan was mine for the taking when I was in my teens
A rock and roll star in the making, not a family man living in Queens
Still singing my songs in bars but I’m running out of steam
So much has changed but I still have the same dream
There’s no growing old in New York, but that’s what’s happening to me
Gave you the best years of my life, you coulda given me a guarantee
I’m running outta youth, I gotta face the truth
My name’s never gonna make a marquee
Got nowhere to go
So I gotta know
Tell me honestly
New York, what you gonna do with me?
Met my wife working in a restaurant 18 years ago
Took me 9 years to get a first date, my wife likes to take it slow
She was a singer and a dancer looking for a part
She gave up it all up but it didn’t break her heart
We had a beautiful baby girl and but somehow I'm still the same
A spoiled little boy writing songs who still thinks the answer is fame
You’re listening to my musical, I haven’t played it for my wife
But it’s my best shot to pay for this city life
There’s no growing old in New York, but that’s what’s happening to me
Gave you the best years of my life, you coulda given me a guarantee
I’m running outta youth, I gotta face the truth
My name’s never gonna make a marquee
Got nowhere to go
So I gotta know
Tell me honestly
New York, what you gonna do with me?
New York, what you gonna do with me?
New York, what you gonna do with me?
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3. |
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Daddy’s trying to sleep
She’s pulling my hair
It’s five in the morning
I need coffee
And she needs Sesame Street
My Misses left me list
It reads like script
Written by Russians
A serious play
About the food our family eats
Zip up her coat
And pick up her blocks
Buckle her in
So I can put on her socks
Over an hour
To get her dressed and out the door
My daughter’s kicking and screaming
She’s pushing like never before
While I’m pushing a stroller
Around a grocery store
Off to the playground we go
To meet Mark and his son
Because it’s Monday
Mark’s got a similar life
And a similar wife
We sit and talk about the Knicks
While our kids kick a ball into puddles
We’d love to get tickets
A guy’s night out would be nice
Mark looks at his wrist
Then pulls out a list
Says, “I better hurry or Gail will be pissed
It’s getting late , she gets home about a quarter to four.”
Mark asks if I wanna go shopping
And I say, “Mark that’s what Mondays are for!”
So now I’m pushing a stroller
Around Mark’s Grocery Store
Come on, let's take a walk around the produce!
These days there’s not much I believe in
But there’s one thing that I know for sure
That when the misses gets home
I’ll be lying face down on the floor
She’ll ask me how the kid is
And I’ll say, “My lower back’s sore.”
Then she’ll open the fridge
And say, “Honey I forgot, we need one thing more.”
And I’ll be pushing a stroller
Around a grocery store
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4. |
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It’s 11 o’clock on a Wednesday
I’m badly in need of break
There’s a beautiful blonde singing next me
She’s making all kinds of mistakes
She says, “I heard this song once when I was 16,
And I’ve loved it my whole life long.
It’s my 21st birthday and I’m really drunk
And everyone will sing along
Oh no no no no no, Oh no no no no, oh no
Please don’t make me play Piano Man
Cause I’ve already played it 5 times tonight
I don’t expect you to understand
But my hands are too sore
and my heart is too tired
To put up a fight
Tom at the bar has his face in his phone
He never remembers my name
He pours the drinks while he clicks the links
Searching for fortune and fame
He says, “Buddy can you help me find someone online,
This pretty young thing I just met?
She’s a corporate lawyer from the Upper East Side.
Her dad’s worth a billion I bet."
Oh no no no no no, Oh no no no no, oh no
Bob is in some kind of retail
I think he sells second hand clothes
And he’s talking with Tim or maybe it’s Jim
They’ve all been at my last three shows
And the waitress is angry and miserable
While the Jersey boys jump up and down
They shout and they scream, they just do what they please
Cause this is their night on the town
Please don’t make me play Piano Man
Cause I’ve already played it 5 times tonight
I don’t expect you to understand
But my hands are too sore
and my heart is too tired
To put up a fight
I’d say the bar’s pretty empty
But it’s just your average Wednesday
Billy Joel’s rocking the Garden
And is this place is four blocks away
At 11:05 they come tumbling in
They fill up their drinks and I fill up with fear
Cause it cuts like a knife, I’ve sang it all my life
“Man, what am I doing here?”
Oh no no no no no, Oh no no no no, oh no
Please don’t make me play Piano Man
Cause I’ve already played it 5 times tonight
I don’t expect you to understand
But my hands are too sore
and my heart is too tired
To put up a fight
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5. |
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I can’t believe you're pregnant again
Didn’t think life could get better and then
God blessed us twice, Jesus Christ, Amen
I can’t believe you’re pregnant again
I’m not crying, these are tears of joy
Don’t matter to me if it’s a girl or a boy
The apartment’s a mess, nothing left to destroy
I can’t believe you’re pregnant again
Let’s spend it all on childcare
Till one of us becomes a millionaire
Maybe then we’ll have a couple more
Why stop at two when we can have four?
Just because we’re broke don’t mean I’m cheap
When you’re already drowning, it don’t matter how deep
At the end of the day, it’s only sleep
I can’t believe you’re pregnant again
Truth be told, I was good with one
Thought of my days of diapers were done
But married people can still have sex
And this is one of the side effects
I shouldn’t be surprised by the situation
A new child is cause for celebration
So here’s to you successfully tracking ovulation
And here’s to me finding my zen
I can’t believe you’re pregnant again
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6. |
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MARK:
They call me Mark
Mark from the Park
They only know me as a dad
But before my kid I had
A certain spark
I wrote 5 shows
That no one knows
A one man musical of Jaws
That overcame the movie’s flaws
I played the shark
JULIAN:
When will the world stop being mean to us
And recognize our genius
I’ve been patient, lemme tell ya
MARK:
I can’t believe my face isn’t on a stamp
JULIAN:
I spent two decades suffering for my art
MARK:
I put my heart on every page
And watch it die up on the stage
The audience is always in the dark
I’m always Mark from the Park
They call me nuts
Think I’m a putz
All the moms make fun of me
Cause I keep my mornings free
I hate their guts
JULIAN:
I hate their guts
MARK:
Ugh, awful
I’m choosing words
And feeding birds
While my son just runs around
I keep him here at the playground
Until it shuts
JULIAN:
We should be winning Grammy and Tony awards
Instead of running for school boards
They made me treasurer, can you believe it?
MARK:
They tried to make me vaccinate my kid
JULIAN:
I’m nearly middle aged with no success
MARK:
I’m gonna die in 20 years
And then I’ll be praised by my peers
Make me martyr just like Joan of Arc
Instead of Mark from The Park
JULIAN:
They call him Mark
MARK:
They call me lots of things, the children give me names
JULIAN:
Mark from Park
MARK:
They won’t let me or my son play their stupid games
JULIAN:
They know only him as a dad
But before his kid he had
A certain spark
MARK:
I was the toast of Off-Off-Off-Broadway
JULIAN:
He wrote 5 shows
MARK:
You shoulda seen the amount of paper that it took
JULIAN:
That no one knows
MARK:
Nobody cares about the guy who wrote the book
JULIAN:
A one man musical of Jaws
That overcame the movie’s flaws
He played the shark
BOTH:
We came in second place, two silver schmucks
When you don’t come first, second sucks
We’ll never get the gold
So far away from hot, we’re freezing cold
I’m sure the world is full of guys like us
JULIAN:
We’re never gonna win the fight
MARK:
It doesn’t matter what we write
JULIAN:
I know each time I start a song
MARK:
I’ll get the ending wrong
JULIAN:
And the bite of it is meaner than the bark
MARK:
Like the shark
BOTH:
I give up
Call me Mark from the Park
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7. |
The People We Used To Be
03:32
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Pull up a chair, it’s just you and me
We’re drinking tonight like we’re still twenty-three
We can be young again and be home by ten
Only takes a few beers till we see
The people that we used to be
Let’s start with a round of Heineken Light
We gotta ease our way in
It’s been a while since we had a guy’s night
Mark, let the good times begin
I’ve got 5 in the jukebox
Pick a song you love
Anything by Dylan makes me smile
Let’s go talk to the girls at the end of the bar
Feels good to pretend for a while
Pull up a chair, it’s just you and me
We’re drinking tonight like we’re still twenty-three
We can be young again and be home by ten
Only takes a few beers till we see
The people that we used to be
I’m ready to drink something stronger than this
Whaddya say, let’s do a shot
Tequila or Whiskey, it don’t matter to me
I don’t get to do this a lot
Not long ago, I could run all night
With enough gas in my machine
These ladies are laughing at all of my jokes
Let’s stay here until 10:15
The bottle feels so good in my hand
Let’s keep going till one of us ain’t able to stand
Yes we can
Just pull up a chair, it’s just you and me
We’re drinking tonight like we’re still twenty-three
We can be young again like two single men
Who are careless and selfish and free
The people that we used to be
Jesus Christ Mark, look at the time
How’s it a quarter past two?
My wife’s probably thinks I’ve committed a crime
I’m sure your wife will kill you, too
These women wanna know why we gotta go
There’s more booze back their place
If we don’t leave now and make our way home
We never get to go home again
And the loneliness never ends
I don’t want to be twenty-three again
So let’s pay the tab, this one’s on me
We’re done for the night, we got somewhere to be
If I’m honest, my friend, we’re too old to pretend
No matter how hard we look we won’t see
The people that we used to be
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8. |
She Lets Me Be Me
02:49
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10 am I wake up, just a little hungover
Head into kitchen in my underwear
Sip my coffee on the couch, the apartment is empty
My wife went to work, dropped the girl at daycare
I turn on the TV and pick out a movie
Watch the first half then I fall back to sleep
I still live I did before we had a kid
My wife’s doesn’t complain
She lets me be me
5pm they get home and I’m on the piano
My wife got the girl on her way back from work
I say, “Just another hour till I finish this song.”
It’s taking too long and I feel like a jerk
While she’s washing the dishes and watching the baby
While I search for words that I never can find
I’m still playing the game, still waiting for fame
My wife’s not the same
She lets me be me
Saturday she takes the baby out at 8am
Does the laundry and the shopping
She’s Superwoman there’s no stopping her
While I’m passed out in bed
Piano Man still running through my head
9pm I’m up on the stage pouring my heart out
You’re not even listening, you’re just checking your phones
Another room full of strangers ignoring my stories
And when the show’s over I’ll be up here alone
While she’s home with our daughter
Reading her stories, singing her lullabies till she asleep
I am fully aware that I should be there
My wife’s so strong
She lets me be me
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9. |
Not Important Anymore
03:01
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How you doing tonight folks?
Are you enjoying the show?
Soon as I’m done, folks
You’ll be free to go
And when you’re gone, I’ll still be here
With no solutions gained
My problems will still be with me
And you’ll be entertained
How you like my songs folks?
Every word is true
To tell you the truth, folks
The songs aren’t for you
I used to need an audience
To keep from feeling worse
Tonight I need this audience
For me to rehearse cause
It’s not important anymore
I don’t care about what you think
You’re not who I’m doing this for
Opinions are there for me to ignore
And when this show is through
There’s only one thing left to do
I’m gonna play these songs to my wife
Cause they’re meant for her not you
How do I sound folks?
Who do I remind you of?
You like Billy Joel, folks?
What’s not to love?
He writes songs about his life
Otherwise we’re not the same
Billy Joel is famous
And you’ll forget my name but
It’s not important anymore
I don’t care about what you think
You’re not who I’m doing this for
Opinions are there for me to ignore
And when this show is through
There’s only one thing left to do
I’m gonna play these songs to my wife
Cause they’re meant for her not you
Maybe nobody’s who I’m supposed to be
Go ahead New York, do whatever you want with me
Show’s almost done folks
Was it good for you?
Did you hate it all, folks?
Not much I can do
I’m gonna keep on writing songs
This who I am
And long as she believes in me
I really don’t give a damn cause
It’s not important anymore
Can’t wait to get off this stage
And walk through my front door
And play my wife songs she hasn’t heard before
So as soon as this show is through
There’s only one thing left to do
I finally know what’s important now
That’s her, not you
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10. |
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You never knew me when I was kid
Back in St. Louie, Musicals were all that I did
My eyes were full of stars
Packed up my tap shoes, a bag full of tights
Thought 6 months in New York would get my name up in lights
It got me 13 years working in bars
I went to every early morning open call
Curled my hair in a bathroom stall
Me and 20 other wannabes out in the hall
Then at the old age of thirty-four
I threw down the script and I danced out the door
Cause there’s more to life than 8 shows a week
Can’t take vacations, can’t make any plans
Keep expectations low and in your agent’s hands
Just sit and pray for a part
Another callback, another near miss
You’re right on the edge
About to slip into the abyss
Your dreams are breaking your heart
You keep thinking, “God, why was I made this way?”
You keep waiting for God to say,
“Your big break’s coming anyday.”
But dreams are easy for God to ignore
Like every director you’ve auditioned for
There’s more to life than 8 shows a week
Motherhood, fatherhood, family and friends
All of it's work and the work never ends
Living for the ones you love takes its toll
It’s one helluva of role
I spent half my life looking for just one yes
All those people I was trying to impress
If I met them now I couldn’t care less
I’ve got all I need, I’m finally sure
That you and the kids are who I’m living for
Every day is another encore
I’m a mom, I’m a wife and my life
Is more than 8 shows a week
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11. |
What I'm Doing Here
03:34
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A middle aged man steps up to the plate
His team is behind and the inning is late
He’s been here before, uncertain and full of fear
But he’s ready this time despite the fatigue
From a decade or more in the minor league
He hands are steady, his mind is totally clear
Here comes the ball, it’s fast and it’s straight
It’s his kind of pitch, it’s all down to fate
He takes a swing, the best one of his career
He needs a hit to stay in the game
He’s willing to admit he’s the one to blame
For believing a dream, he’s finally being sincere
That’s what I’m doing here
A tired old man answers the phone
There’s joy in his voice because he’s not alone
The sound of his family’s so loud you can barely hear
He says, “I’ve had some good luck, 2 kids and a wife,
Won more than I lost, had the time of my life.
Played as long as I could but now the ending is near.”
You ask him about that fateful pitch
How it all went down and would he ever switch
What he has for another chance to appear?
He says, “That’s how the game works, there’s no way to know
When you hit a ball how far it will go
You just keep on swinging, year after year
That’s what I’m doing here.”
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12. |
Half Done
03:25
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Never been a person you could call content
You’ll can’t get a dollar outta fifty cents
Spent my youth preparing for the worst
The best is yet to come, I’m getting reimbursed
Baby I know it took some time
But I’m about to hit my prime
I feel like life has just begun
I’m half done
Been a mean lover and a lousy friend
Interrupted every sentence before the end
A spoiled little boy since the day we met
But I haven’t gone bad, don’t get rid of me yet
Baby I’m worth a second look
Just like a steak that’s undercooked
I’m like a burger without a bun
I’m half-done
Feeling like a kid I’m so inspired
I know that I can be the guy you require
I know you’re tired
Of all the years
And all the tears
Facing all fears alone
Here comes your man
He's fully grown
I know you always wanted us to have a plan
But were paralyzed by my attention span
Life is a like TV show I always quit
They say the ending’s good, I gotta stick with it
Baby my story’s incomplete
An adventure I can’t repeat
An episode I can’t re-run
I’m half done, oooo yaza doodle dah!
I gotta a lot things I wanna do
Take a trip around the world with you
Yes it’s true
I recognize a lifetime flies
The future dies too soon
Only so much air
In this hot air balloon
It’s obvious to me that you deserve the best
I didn’t give my all, so here comes the rest
With a glass half full and a little luck
You’ll get a few more pennies out this half a buck
Baby the clock is ticking fast
So let’s make every second last
It’s time for us to have some fun
I’m half done
I’m half done
A little more ammo in this gun
Let's take a trip around the sun
Oh now I'm done
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Julian Velard Los Angeles, California
Julian Velard's musical stylings and comedic timing have made him a fixture in both the comedy and music scenes, and have
created cult followings overseas.
He’s toured alongside Jamie Cullum, Paul Carrack, and has shared the stage with comedians Will Ferrell and Paul Scheer.
His ability to transition between worlds has led to regular appearances on The Howard Stern Show and NPR’s Ask Me Another.
... more
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