/
1.
It’s that time of night To dim the light Got one last text that I need to write Gonna power down and I’m turning you on Here’s a Google alert I’m taking off your skirt Don’t need four bars and an app to flirt When you’re next to me, I feel my signal get strong Love is great cause love is real But I love the way internet makes me feel Makin’ love is twice as nice When I turn your body into my device Lemme hit you in your hotspot I’m gonna flip your phone Keep you fully charged You’ll never be alone Gonna put my number into your cell Lemme get up in that buttdial It’s no accident Not autocorrect Yes, I know what I sent I’m DTF RN IRL No need to think We’re both in sync You send me to the cloud when you click my link Connecting is my favorite drug When this began I was a single man But now you got me thinking ‘bout a family plan Until that day, I’m gonna pull out the plug Love is great cause love is real But I like the way likes make me feel Being verified is twice as nice When I turn your body into my device Lemme hit you in your hotspot Facetime your face You’re the one machine That I can’t replace Gonna put my number into your cell Lemme get up in that buttdial Unlock your screen Speed dial your heart Straight from my jeans I’m DTF RN IRL All these notifications racing through my head So many comments inside, things I never said I wanna make the world In my posts come true Become the person I am online With you Lemme hit you in your hotspot I’m gonna flip your phone Keep you fully charged You’ll never be alone Gonna put my number into your cell Lemme get up in that buttdial It’s no accident Not autocorrect Yes, I know what I sent I’m DTF RN IRL Lemme hit you in your hotspot Facetime your face You’re the one machine That I can’t replace Gonna put my number into your cell Lemme get up in that buttdial Unlock your screen Speed dial your heart Straight from my jeans I’m DTF RN IRL
2.
Brunchin' 03:30
Burning up Saturday Night Turn it up Turn down the lights Break out the chamomile tea The thousand-count thread Hit the pillows, we’re going to bed Break of dawn Groove is deep Rolling out 8 hours sleep The joint is shoulder to shoulder at 9:45 Sunday morning’s got us coming alive Oh! We go brunchin’, brunchin’ The magic begins We go brunchin, brunchin’ Put our names in Feeling so free Over easy In a prix fixe Fantasy We go brunchin’, brunchin’ Looking so fine We go brunchin’, brunchin’ Front of the line Such a lush scene Living in-between Endless champagne And caffeine Party’s on Whole party’s here What’s happening Hostess? Is that table clear? Pop a bottle of sparkling The best H20 Lemon wedges, we’re ready to go Getting down Menu’s up Flying high Second cup Got a bump of raw sugar In my coffee spoon Seeing double and it’s not even noon We go brunchin’, brunchin’ In broad daylight We go brunchin’, brunchin’ Egg game is tight Feeling so free Over easy In a prix fixe Fantasy We go brunchin’, brunchin’ Organic meat We go brunchin’, we brunchin’ Allergic to wheat Such a lush scene Living in-between Endless champagne And caffeine Hi my name’s Brooke And I’ll be your server today` Do you have any specials? Julian, everything’s special when you’re brunchin’ I’d go coast to coast for some of that French toast Let your backbone slip for Eggs Benedict I wanna see you shake for a savory crepe Put on a sexy dress for some French press We Go Brunchin, Brunchin’ Hot hollandaise We go Brunchin, Brunchin Split it six ways This is all I crave I’m a brunch slave I won’t brunch behave I’m so brunch depraved Ride that brunch wave To my brunch grave Oh my brunch soul Has been brunch saved Till next weekend When we do it all again Brunchin'
3.
Falling in love is a beautiful thing But when you open your heart, you start to feel the sting Every great romance hits a rough patch And the flame goes out, blows out like a match It’s over The magic slips Down the drain The misery grows Till it overflows That’s why you gotta restrain Let us explain You gotta hold on Suck it in Pu-pu-pu-pump on the brakes Doo Doo whatever it takes ‘Cause when the pressure is building You gotta be willing To carry a load for your lover and say I’ll never shit in front of you I’ll never shit in front of you You’ve waited this long, you finally found the one But what good are vows when your bowels are under the gun For better or worse, till death do us part But the preacher never preached about dropping a fart The odor Goes up your nose And into your brain We all have a duty To control the booty And work through the pain Let us explain You gotta hold on Suck it in Pu-pu-pu-pump on the brakes Doo Doo whatever it takes Cause When the pressure is building You gotta be willing To carry a load for your lover and say I’ll never shit in front of you I’ll always be here beside you Whatever happens inside of you The storm inside my soul Will never touch our bowl Don't let the darkness sneak out And peek it's head out the hole You gotta hold on Suck it in Pu-pu-pu-pump on the brakes Doo Doo whatever it takes ‘Cause when the pressure is building And the body is filling Your stomach is killing Intestines are spilling Get home in a hurry Your vision is blurry Now you’re starting to worry ‘Cause you ate all that curry Then drank all that green juice Your butt’s getting footloose Giving birth to a big deuce I’m calling a truce I'll never shit in front of you
4.
All of the nights I lay awake, heartsick and dreamless Worried that I might make a mistake ordering seamless Thai or Japanese, can you help me please? So much in love, deaf, dumb and blind, what was I doin? If only I’d known what you were like when I asked you to move in Food, shouldn’t affect your mood Why do you need to know what I want to eat? Because I need to know what you want to eat Before I’m able to know what I wanna eat You should be able to know what you wanna eat This is far from Paradise They say Love is mostly Sacrifice I’ll pay As long as it’s the lowest price or free I need you and you need me This is codependency We’ve weathered the storm, the doubt and the fear, I know we can rally The story of us has gotten us here to the season finale You, The Lannisters and me I love it when we watch TV When I’m alone I miss you so much, my heart’s full of craving Tortured by lust, I was seduced by the show we’ve been saving It’s true, I finished it without you I can’t believe you watched the last episode I really needed to see the last episode Don’t fucking tell me what happens in that episode You won’t believe what happens in that episode It’s a big deal you watched that episode It’s no big deal I’ll rewatch that episode This is far from Paradise They say Love is mostly Sacrifice I’ll pay As long as it’s rent stabilized no fee You’re my first and last security This is codependency Our love is so strong we don’t need to speak The light of your phone on your face makes my knees go weak The touch of your hand as we reach the remote You ask the least of me, it’s why I love you the most Our relationship is effortless, we just coast It’s been awhile since I’ve had sex with you It’s been 12 weeks since I’ve had sex with you Is it weird I don’t wanna have sex with you? No It’s fine. I don’t wanna have sex with you Who needs sex to feel a lot of romance? This is far from Paradise They say Love is mostly Sacrifice I’ll pay As long as it’s the lowest price or free I need you and you need me This is is codependency

about

Julian Velard and Brooke Van Poppelen are take their "faux-mace" to the next level! The duo joined forces in 2015 as The Comfort Zone, a monthly live show in Brooklyn where Velard (a singer-songwriter and secret comedian) and Van Poppelen (a comedian and secret singer-songwriter) mixed music and stand-up with unpredictable results. Each show culminated in an original song that deftly skewered relationships stranded at the crossroads of Netflix and chill. Now, The Comfort Zone EP brings four of those catchy tunes to life, tackling smartphone addiction, bathroom anxiety and frenzied brunch plans with the authenticity of a couple who hasn't had sex in a solid four months. Explore the funny, familiar side of love with a couple that has plenty of first-hand experience...just not with each other.

credits

released April 26, 2019

Produced and mixed by Roger Greenawalt
Recorded at Shabby Road July 2018
Mastered by Nathan James for Vault Mastering
Guitar - Al Street
Bass - Adam Chilenski
Drums - Bill Campbell

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Julian Velard New York

Julian Velard's musical stylings and comedic timing have made him a fixture in both the comedy and music scenes, and have created cult followings overseas.

He’s toured alongside Jamie Cullum, Paul Carrack, and has shared the stage with comedians Will Ferrell and Paul Scheer.

His ability to transition between worlds has led to regular appearances on The Howard Stern Show and NPR’s Ask Me Another.
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