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about

Julian Velard and Brooke Van Poppelen are take their "faux-mace" to the next level! The duo joined forces in 2015 as The Comfort Zone, a monthly live show in Brooklyn where Velard (a singer-songwriter and secret comedian) and Van Poppelen (a comedian and secret singer-songwriter) mixed music and stand-up with unpredictable results. Each show culminated in an original song that deftly skewered relationships stranded at the crossroads of Netflix and chill. Now, The Comfort Zone EP brings four of those catchy tunes to life, tackling smartphone addiction, bathroom anxiety and frenzied brunch plans with the authenticity of a couple who hasn't had sex in a solid four months. Explore the funny, familiar side of love with a couple that has plenty of first-hand experience...just not with each other.

credits

released April 26, 2019

Produced and mixed by Roger Greenawalt
Recorded at Shabby Road July 2018
Mastered by Nathan James for Vault Mastering
Guitar - Al Street
Bass - Adam Chilenski
Drums - Bill Campbell

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all rights reserved

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about

Julian Velard New York

Julian Velard is a singer, songwriter, and piano man. A biting 21st century wit in a stylish package—think Harry Connick, Jr. with the panache of a Brooklyn hipster—recalling Stephen Sondheim or Randy Newman at the peak of their talents.His comedic timing and musical stylings have made him a regular on The Howard Stern Show and NPR’s Ask Me Another. He is also an instructor for Linkedin Learning. ... more

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Track Name: Hit You In Your Hotspot
It’s that time of night
To dim the light
Got one last text that I need to write
Gonna power down and I’m turning you on

Here’s a Google alert
I’m taking off your skirt
Don’t need four bars and an app to flirt
When you’re next to me, I feel my signal get strong

Love is great cause love is real
But I love the way internet makes me feel
Makin’ love is twice as nice
When I turn your body into my device

Lemme hit you in your hotspot
I’m gonna flip your phone
Keep you fully charged
You’ll never be alone
Gonna put my number into your cell

Lemme get up in that buttdial
It’s no accident
Not autocorrect
Yes, I know what I sent
I’m DTF RN IRL

No need to think
We’re both in sync
You send me to the cloud when you click my link
Connecting is my favorite drug

When this began
I was a single man
But now you got me thinking ‘bout a family plan
Until that day, I’m gonna pull out the plug

Love is great cause love is real
But I like the way likes make me feel
Being verified is twice as nice
When I turn your body into my device

Lemme hit you in your hotspot
Facetime your face
You’re the one machine
That I can’t replace
Gonna put my number into your cell

Lemme get up in that buttdial
Unlock your screen
Speed dial your heart
Straight from my jeans
I’m DTF RN IRL

All these notifications racing through my head
So many comments inside, things I never said
I wanna make the world
In my posts come true
Become the person
I am online
With you

Lemme hit you in your hotspot
I’m gonna flip your phone
Keep you fully charged
You’ll never be alone
Gonna put my number into your cell

Lemme get up in that buttdial
It’s no accident
Not autocorrect
Yes, I know what I sent
I’m DTF RN IRL

Lemme hit you in your hotspot
Facetime your face
You’re the one machine
That I can’t replace
Gonna put my number into your cell

Lemme get up in that buttdial
Unlock your screen
Speed dial your heart
Straight from my jeans
I’m DTF RN IRL
Track Name: Brunchin'
Burning up
Saturday Night
Turn it up
Turn down the lights
Break out the chamomile tea
The thousand-count thread
Hit the pillows, we’re going to bed

Break of dawn
Groove is deep
Rolling out
8 hours sleep
The joint is shoulder to shoulder at 9:45
Sunday morning’s got us coming alive

Oh! We go brunchin’, brunchin’
The magic begins
We go brunchin, brunchin’
Put our names in
Feeling so free
Over easy
In a prix fixe
Fantasy

We go brunchin’, brunchin’
Looking so fine
We go brunchin’, brunchin’
Front of the line
Such a lush scene
Living in-between
Endless champagne
And caffeine

Party’s on
Whole party’s here
What’s happening Hostess?
Is that table clear?
Pop a bottle of sparkling
The best H20
Lemon wedges, we’re ready to go

Getting down
Menu’s up
Flying high
Second cup
Got a bump of raw sugar
In my coffee spoon
Seeing double and it’s not even noon

We go brunchin’, brunchin’
In broad daylight
We go brunchin’, brunchin’
Egg game is tight
Feeling so free
Over easy
In a prix fixe
Fantasy

We go brunchin’, brunchin’
Organic meat
We go brunchin’, we brunchin’
Allergic to wheat
Such a lush scene
Living in-between
Endless champagne
And caffeine

Hi my name’s Brooke
And I’ll be your server today`

Do you have any specials?

Julian, everything’s special when you’re brunchin’

I’d go coast to coast for some of that French toast
Let your backbone slip for Eggs Benedict
I wanna see you shake for a savory crepe
Put on a sexy dress for some French press

We Go Brunchin, Brunchin’
Hot hollandaise
We go Brunchin, Brunchin
Split it six ways
This is all I crave
I’m a brunch slave
I won’t brunch behave
I’m so brunch depraved
Ride that brunch wave
To my brunch grave
Oh my brunch soul
Has been brunch saved
Till next weekend
When we do it all again
Brunchin'
Track Name: I'll Never Shit (In Front Of You)
Falling in love is a beautiful thing
But when you open your heart, you start to feel the sting
Every great romance hits a rough patch
And the flame goes out, blows out like a match

It’s over
The magic slips
Down the drain
The misery grows
Till it overflows
That’s why you gotta restrain
Let us explain

You gotta hold on
Suck it in
Pu-pu-pu-pump on the brakes
Doo Doo whatever it takes
‘Cause when the pressure is building
You gotta be willing
To carry a load for your lover and say
I’ll never shit in front of you
I’ll never shit in front of you

You’ve waited this long, you finally found the one
But what good are vows when your bowels are under the gun
For better or worse, till death do us part
But the preacher never preached about dropping a fart

The odor
Goes up your nose
And into your brain
We all have a duty
To control the booty
And work through the pain
Let us explain

You gotta hold on
Suck it in
Pu-pu-pu-pump on the brakes
Doo Doo whatever it takes
Cause When the pressure is building
You gotta be willing
To carry a load for your lover and say
I’ll never shit in front of you

I’ll always be here beside you
Whatever happens inside of you
The storm inside my soul
Will never touch our bowl
Don't let the darkness sneak out
And peek it's head out the hole

You gotta hold on
Suck it in
Pu-pu-pu-pump on the brakes
Doo Doo whatever it takes
‘Cause when the pressure is building
And the body is filling
Your stomach is killing
Intestines are spilling
Get home in a hurry
Your vision is blurry
Now you’re starting to worry
‘Cause you ate all that curry
Then drank all that green juice
Your butt’s getting footloose
Giving birth to a big deuce
I’m calling a truce
I'll never shit in front of you
Track Name: Far From Paradise
All of the nights I lay awake, heartsick and dreamless
Worried that I might make a mistake ordering seamless
Thai or Japanese, can you help me please?

So much in love, deaf, dumb and blind, what was I doin?
If only I’d known what you were like when I asked you to move in
Food, shouldn’t affect your mood

Why do you need to know what I want to eat?
Because I need to know what you want to eat
Before I’m able to know what I wanna eat
You should be able to know what you wanna eat

This is far from
Paradise
They say
Love is mostly
Sacrifice
I’ll pay
As long as it’s the
lowest price
or free
I need you and you need me
This is codependency

We’ve weathered the storm, the doubt and the fear, I know we can rally
The story of us has gotten us here to the season finale
You, The Lannisters and me
I love it when we watch TV

When I’m alone I miss you so much, my heart’s full of craving
Tortured by lust, I was seduced by the show we’ve been saving
It’s true, I finished it without you

I can’t believe you watched the last episode
I really needed to see the last episode
Don’t fucking tell me what happens in that episode
You won’t believe what happens in that episode
It’s a big deal you watched that episode
It’s no big deal I’ll rewatch that episode

This is far from
Paradise
They say
Love is mostly
Sacrifice
I’ll pay
As long as it’s
rent stabilized
no fee
You’re my first and last security
This is codependency

Our love is so strong we don’t need to speak
The light of your phone on your face makes my knees go weak
The touch of your hand as we reach the remote
You ask the least of me, it’s why I love you the most
Our relationship is effortless, we just coast

It’s been awhile since I’ve had sex with you
It’s been 12 weeks since I’ve had sex with you
Is it weird I don’t wanna have sex with you?
No It’s fine. I don’t wanna have sex with you
Who needs sex to feel a lot of romance?

This is far from
Paradise
They say
Love is mostly
Sacrifice
I’ll pay
As long as it’s the
lowest price
or free
I need you and you need me
This is is codependency

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